Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Freedom from Anger
One of the reasons I blog is to help other women that are perhaps going through or have been through some of the same struggles that I have gone through. Tonight is no different....I want to be transparent with you. I want you to know that I struggle too with the pressures of life, stressors, all of those things that you walk through on day to day basis, that I am right there with you making this journey. I do have great faith in God and in what He can do, but sometimes it seems we become distracted, and that is when our enemy can use the things of life to hold us captive......I had quiet an experience in God tonight and I want to share it with all of you. I hope you are encouraged and inspired.....
Lots of times when I pray with a person or minister to people, more often than not, I am made aware of my own shortcomings and weaknesses. The last few weeks are no different. I have been praying with a dear friend and as usual I was made aware of some things in my own life. Most of you are aware by now that my Dad passed away earlier this year (It still feels so unreal to even write those words).....I am not grieving as I was at the beginning, but I do still have my moments. Lately those moments seem to come out in the strangest ways for me. I felt out of balance, out of sorts, like I was on edge all the time. Now if you follow my face book, you also know that I believe that the wife is the peacemaker, peacekeeper in the home. But, lately I don't feel like I have been doing a very good job of that. Today there was something that I guess felt like the last straw for me....and I am ashamed to say, I lost it for a minute emotionally. When I recomposed myself, I was struggling to figure where this emotion came from. I like to think that I am always very even-keeled, laid back even...but not today. The day continued par for the course....then tonight, I decided I should pray about that. I asked God to show me why I was like that, why I responded in this way. I heard God say to me that I was angry.....at my Dad. I was shocked. I asked God where that anger came from and this is what He reminded me of....that ever since I was a little girl, that my Dad has always assured me that he would take care of me, that he would look after me so to speak, that I had no worries. Then when he died, I walked around in a daze, wondering what I was going to do now, who was going to care for me, who was I going to lean on. Now, I am not taking anything from my husband, he has been amazing and he does care for me....but it's not like a Daddy caring for his little girl. Even when I was divorced, my Dad would tell me that he would be there for me. And then he was gone...I just couldn't figure it out. I felt lost on the open water, I felt anxiety, panic...it seemed like the entire world changed for me in one second. And God told me I was angry, that I felt let down somehow. Then He told me I was angry at Him for taking my Dad at that time. I was stunned....but it all made sense to me at the same time. God showed me myself and how I had responded to different situations this year out of that anger. I had to let it go....So I did the only thing I knew to do....I repented. I asked God to forgive me for that anger, to allow me to release that, then I just simply renounced those feelings. I know that He did something for me, because at that moment I felt a light come on in my spirit. I saw where I had placed my hope in man and not ultimately in God Himself.....I realized that while I had been telling my friend that God has to be first place and that our priorities have to line up, that God was not in first place in my life, otherwise I would not have been looking to my Dad at 41 years old to fall back on, I would have seen that God is the only one that can meet every single need in my life and never let me down. Then I told God that I knew He had done a work in my heart, I felt no more anger, I felt at peace with my Dad's passing. I asked God to show me what He had done for me....He gave me this picture of a huge lion with a royal robe on, a scepter in hand, a crown on His head, taking the throne. I know that it was the throne in my heart......then I just went ahead and soaked up the presence of God. I am filled with peace now that can only come from God.
I felt compelled to write this to you tonight. If you are struggling in your life, things are not how they should be, you don't feel peace inwardly....God can set you free. Women are so good at hiding behind the mask that they think they are supposed to wear. And the things in our life that start out as small, or even as a normal response can sometimes become such a hindrance to us. In God there is freedom.....and it doesn't matter what it is you need freedom from, God already knows...He is waiting for you to ask Him to lead you to that place in Him that you can experience true personal freedom in your heart. If thats you and you need someone to talk with, let me know I will be more than glad to listen and to pray with you. You can just leave me a way to contact you in the comment section or you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
I want to leave you with this video. I have been humming this song all day. This is my 17 year old nephew at church Sunday night singing "Rock of Ages, Hide Thou Me" it really ministered to me today when I needed it most...