Day 4.....The Most Important Thing You Can Do for Your Marriage Today

It's important that we realize that a very important part of our relationship with our spouses, is that we first have a relationship with God and that we are spending time with Him.

We have to realize that another person whether it is friend or spouse, is not going to bring us happiness. We first have to realize that happiness within ourselves, then that can spring outward and into our relationship.

Everyone gets nervous when we talk about spending time with God....let me put your anxieties to rest and tell you that you do not have spend hours on end reading scripture...it's not about the amount that you are reading each day, or how long you prayed each day....but that you took some sort of time and talked to God, invited Him into your relationship, found a scripture or passage of scripture that speaks to you and where you are at today.

When sweetie and I first got married, we faced lots of obstacles....high risk pregnancy that was said to end in death for me and the baby, business failure, newly blended family, and the day to day business of living. When we faced these tasks, we tried to do it on our own, in our own strength, with our own intelligence. Can I just tell you that some days it was like a war zone in our home? There were days where we really did make steps to end the marriage. Insults were thrown around, things were done out of emotion, those were really dark days...I honestly did not believe we would survive or that the marriage would last. This went on for about 2 years.....then I met a couple who became like lifelines to us. With their help and guidance we were able to see that we had left God totally out of our lives. At that point, even though I had been raised in church, in a family that was full of faith, I felt like I did not even know how to get back on track with God. Now, they did not quote scripture to us everyday, they didn't make me feel like I had to pray for hours on end, they just steadily breathed life and friendship back into us. After several weeks, they started talking about how we needed God to come in the relationship and re-establish our hearts to make us more like Him.

It was a long process, it did not happen over night. We had setbacks along the way....when I look back at that time in our lives it feels like I am looking at two different people, strangers almost, compared to how we are now. We did come back to Christ. We did re-establish our priorities and our lives to line up with the Word. It was difficult, there were things in our hearts that were hard to give up. There were hurts and wounds that felt like they would never go away. But you know what, the closer I got to God, the better it felt my relationship with sweetie became. When I realized that my happiness did not depend on him, but instead depended on my relationship with God, it changed my entire outlook about marriage.

We had to learn to be intentional about finding time for God. That meant that maybe I needed to look at my schedule and see where my real time wasters were....you see we do have time for God, but sometimes we choose not to use tidbits of time that we have to spend with Him. It was cold hard truth to realize that my time was being wasted on lots of things that I thought important. Bu,t there is nothing more important for my marriage than for me to be in the presence of God, receiving strength for the day, joy for the journey, and peace that He has all things in His control.

I am glad that I can tell you that today, we have a happy marriage. We still face life's challenges, just like all of you, but our relationship is solid because of our relationship with the King. He makes our foundation strong, He helps us to walk out our Biblical roles that He designed for us. His spirit saturates the relationship. His presence bring peace instead of turmoil, comfort in times of sorrow, eyes to see my sweetie through the eyes of Christ, a heart that instead of wanting to lash out at my life's companion wants to pray for him and wants to see my shortcomings revealed that are maybe contributing to the issue at the moment.

Your relationship with God is one of the absolute best things you can do for your marriage....it will make you journey here so much sweeter...

Today's Vow: To Seek the Will of the Lord
The Challenge: Consider ways to invite Jesus into your marriage and make a conscious effort to pray for your husband often.


Regina

Day 3...Priorities

 Here we are at day 3, so far so good right? Have you noticed your thoughts about your marriage changing any yet? Are you more aware of how you think about and you respond to your spouse? I do see and notice changes in my day to day thoughts and hopefully  you do too. I have lost some readers along the way by writing about the Ultimate Marriage Vow, while I hate to see them go, I feel that marriage is an important institution and anything that we can do to help each other improve or enhance our marriage relationships is important to share.

Do you know what is important to your spouse? Do you think that they share the same priorities as you do? Hopefully in raising a family, finances, spiritual life, you do share common goals and priorities. But, what about those little things in life, that maybe set your spouse on edge and you just don't understand why? Things like leaving the toilet seat up, not placing socks in the laundry hamper, leaving the bathroom light on all night? Those things don't seem like much, but oftentimes it's those little things that wear down a relationship.

I will tell a big one for me.....laundry. Can I just say that I absolutely hate doing laundry??? It is the bane of my existence! I am not the laundry queen....never have been. I would rather do anything, than fold and put up clothes. I will wash every dish in the kitchen by hand if it meant I never had to do laundry again....are you gaining an understanding of my dislike for laundry?

   Now that is not to say that my family is walking around with dirty underwear, they are not....I do the laundry, but sometimes I put it off, saying  that it be there tomorrow for me. And, when you have five people in the house, that seem to change clothes like there is no tomorrow, trust me it will be waiting on me when I get up. Throw into the mix that our dryer died......can at least get an "awww?"

 But the laundry is a higher priority to my sweetie....he does not share my philosophy of "it will be there for me tomorrow." On occasion he has gotten up to go to work and his shirt is not pressed.....to him it is the very end of his existence....to me, not so much, when you can press it quickly and he can be on his way...

But how many disagreements and long sighs could we avoid if I would just take the time to press it for him ahead of time? You see, when I don't have his shirt ironed, he feels like I don't think that he is important. Over time, those feelings build up, then what do you have? The volcano will erupt. Is that what I want for my relationship, a cycle of tension building up over a shirt when I could simply avoid and put to rest the whole thing through a few minutes spent when the shirts first came out of the dryer?

Look not every man on his own things,
but every man also on the things of others.
~ Philippians 2:4

What would happen to our relationships if we really practiced this verse? It may not be the laundry for you, it may something else. I read a story about a family with 8 kids. All 8 kids were able to make their own peanut butter sandwhiches. However, in the process, the peanut butter jar would become gooey. Then when the husband wanted to make a sandwhich the jar would send him over the top....and the wife felt like he should understand that they have these children and thats just the way it had to be. Then she realized that the thing she thought important, the living room, was always kept clean and neat. There were no toys in there, there was no eating in there, it was kept pristine. It occurred to her, that she could keep this room immculate, but not have the time to wipe down the peanut butter jar....now she has the cleanist peanut butter container in town and much less stress in her relationship. She began to value her husband's priorities above her own.

And that is what I have done about the laundry.....it was just a habit that I had to get into of tending to the clothes when it was needed and not waiting. I determined in my heart that if it was important to sweetie, it was important to me. And, along the way he bought me a new dryer to make my life easier.....

Today's Vow: To consider your priorities as I would my own.The Challenge: Place those things that are the most important to him at the top of your list. 

We do this all the time with our friends and co-workers, but today let's do this for our spouse. I can't wait to hear your results!

Another day on the journey
Regina

On to Day 2 of the Ultimate Marriage Vow

 So how are you doing with the marriage challenge? I found day one to be easy for me, after all carving out time for a moment of friendship with my spouse is something I want to do anyway...today's challenge though is maybe not so easy for some, and maybe for others you will breeze right through.

As we go through this 21 day marriage challenge, I am including pictures of me and my sweetie and our journey together, hope you enjoy them! Today's pic is from Easter 2009 at my parents house....

Today we are talking about our thought life....you know the more we dwell on a situation or problem the bigger the issue seems to be, and it becomes a cycle and a place that our mind automatically goes when we place it in the idle position. As Christians, first of all, we cannot afford to just let our minds idle along, we need to be intentional about out thought life. What does the Word say about our thoughts?

Philippians 4:8

King James Version (KJV)

⁸ Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

So today when you think about your spouse, what are thinking of them? Do you only see their flaws or areas where improvement is needed? Or do you see a man that works hard for his family, that gives unsacrificially? Does his nagging habit of leaving his drink cup by the bed every night send you over the top? or do you see a man that even after working all day made some time for his children? It all depends on how you view it. 

Sometimes we get so caught up in the day to day routine of raising a family and making a living that we don't notice the beauty that is all around us. The things that God created, and yes that means your spouse, are beautiful. Your sweet one was fearfully and wonderfully made by God, created uniquely to be your companion for life. Sometimes we forget that, we don't notice the beauty that is evident in their smile, their laugh, their tenderness, their compassion, their understanding. My cousin shared a story the other day that he had read....

"A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that 1,100 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by, and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace, and stopped for a few seconds, and then hurried up to meet his schedule.

A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping, and continued to walk.

A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried, but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally, the mother pushed hard, and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money, but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the most talented musicians in the world. He had just played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, on a violin worth $3.5 million dollars.

Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste, and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?

One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?"

What areas of great beauty are we missing out on in our spouses?

I believe that the majority of us don't get out of bed with the intent to infuriate our spouse. I believe that for most of us, our intentions are good, we want to love like Christ, we want to see people (including our spouse), as God sees them. But sometimes, we fall into the trap of only focusing on flaws and bad habits, forgettting that we too have areas for improvement, weaknesses and shortcomings and that it is only the grace and mercy of God that keeps us from falling victim to those weaknesses. 

Today's Vow: To accept your flaws with understanding and grace as you also do mine.
Today's Challenge:
Keep negative thoughts in check by reminding yourself that we're all human saved only by the grace of God.

This is a big step on our journey but let's take it together,
Regina